I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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