OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
