fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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