New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
