Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
