This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
