I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
