i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
