Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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