I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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