he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He felt like a one man threesome
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
