I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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