My room smells like vodka and shame
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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