and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
