if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
