btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
