Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
