So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
