I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
