Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
