I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
