the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
