We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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