it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
