last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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