Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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