Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize