Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
