At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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