i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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