I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
