Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
