i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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