$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
