i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
