i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize