babies were throwing up all over the place
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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