Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
