At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
