i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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