peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
