I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
