There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
