look no pants
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
