Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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