Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
