R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
