so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
