atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
