Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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