why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
