there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
