guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
