I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
