Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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