Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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