I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize