your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize