Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
