Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
