it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my shit smells like andre
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
