yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you traded sex for a burrito?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
