You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So drunk its hurt
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Randomize
