Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
