today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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