Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I will be naked everywhere
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
