she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
