So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
