all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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