ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
