its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
