you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
