This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
