uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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