allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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