oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
