Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
