Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
