You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
