Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
