My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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